As ski instructors we get away with slightly more than we would when not on snow. This is a fun post. You should recognise and enjoy this post as a joke. Let’s see if we can convince you to stay away from the slopes!
Skiing is a good time for some, but you shouldn't do it! Here are some reasons why:
Skiing is expensive. It's expensive to learn, it's also expensive to practice, and it's even more expensive if you want to own your equipment. You must rent or buy boots from the local ski shop (which can cost hundreds). Then there are skis, poles and bindings that need replacing after a few seasons of use. You will then have to carry all this gear in your car, on the mountain. The gear is heavy, and you will need roofracks, or a bigger car to fit all the gear. Even worse, after the ski season, you will have to store it, so you may have to buy a house. Let’s not forget about maintenance! Oh yeah—and don't forget about those lift tickets, they are very expensive!
Unless you're lucky enough to be sponsored by bank of mum and dad, you'll have to pay for skiing's many costs out of your own pocket. But don't let that stop you from visiting the nearest mountain this winter! There are plenty of other activities like swimming, hiking, or kayaking, that offer just as much fun without breaking the bank. And all of them can be done in summer, so it won’t even be cold. Winter problem is solved! If you won’t bother with winter, why bother with summer? Afterall, nothing beats staying at home safely tucked under a blanket, on your sofa. All up, one would need three full time jobs to manage a ski trip. Can you imagine how many sofas one could buy? A house full, maybe even a bathtub shaped like a couch with an integrated television?
It's a lot more dangerous than it looks. The worst part is that you can't even see the dangers coming: one minute you're feeling great and having fun; the next, you hear a loud snap and find yourself on your butt with an injured leg. That's if you're lucky enough to get off as lightly as that!
And then there are those people who decide to go out on their own without proper equipment or training whatsoever. They have no skis themselves but borrow some from other people who do know how to use them properly … and then they proceed straight onto the slopes without bothering about helmets or poles or any other safety equipment at all. Then, Bigfoot roams the particular resort where you decide to go. Game over!
If these sorts of scenarios are your idea of fun, then skiing is for you. But if not, stay away from it at all costs! The couch is your happy safe place. After all, how many injuries have you sustained watching television?
Your couch is your safe space. Bubble wrap yourself, and stay indoors, you will be safely tucked away from dangers.
The problem with skiing is that you look like a fool when you don't know how to do it.
That's right! You might be thinking, "But hey, I'll just get on the bunny slope and play around for a few minutes until I feel comfortable." Wrong! When people see others doing something they don't understand, they assume the worst about them. If someone sees you falling down repeatedly in front of them, they're going to start thinking things like “I bet this guy doesn't even have health insurance” or "Maybe he's also an amateur woodworker who burns down houses?" Seriously though... if there's one lesson, we can learn from television shows it's that people will judge us based on our actions and appearance. Don't let this happen to you!
Have I mentioned the sofa? You can be in your undies, and no one will see you in your house on your couch. You won’t look weird!
The risks of skiing are many. You will be cold. You will be wet. You will be cold and wet, which is a very bad thing if you on the ski slope instead of your lovely home sitting on the couch. Also: frostbite. And then hypothermia after that. Way too dangerous!
So just stay away from skiing. Don't do it. The end.
We already know skiing is a dangerous sport. You should wear a hat, helmet, gloves, goggles, and scarf to protect yourself when falling.
If you do need gear, then make sure it is good quality so that it won't break when hitting a rock or tree. That is expensive!
If you're thinking about skiing for the first time sit down, eat some chips and put on your favourite Netflix show, binge watch and forget about this idea.
Skiing is dangerous, expensive, and cold. It's also stupid, weird, and not fun for anyone except the people who sell you the tickets to do it. Why would you strap two wooden planks on your feet and hurl yourself down a snow-covered hill? Remember the couch is your friend. You are safe there.
Skiing is a sport that should be avoided at all costs. It's so dangerous because people are skiing around you, and there is no way to avoid hitting someone. Add to this that the world is spinning on its axis and revolves around the sun, and there you have it. The force is not with you.
If you're smart, you'll have a giggle, and start booking your ski holiday right away, and tell your friends you will go to hunt dragons, because skiing is dangerous.
If you are smarter, you’ll get in touch with Boomerang on Snow to organise your training.
See you on the slopes.